Dirty Laundry

by Michael R. Jackson

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released May 31, 2018

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Michael R. Jackson New York, New York

Michael R. Jackson (aka The Living MJ). Musical theater composer. Lyricist. Book writer. Trash talker. Honesty is my brand. Check me out at www.youtube.com/michaelrj1981, www.thelivingmichaeljackson.com, and www.facebook.com/thelivingmichaeljackson

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Track Name: Memory Song
FIVE FOOT FOUR / HIGH SCHOOL GYM / SNEAKING A CUPCAKE
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
SHOOTING HOOPS OFF THE RIM / SLOW ON THE UPTAKE
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES

AFTER GYM / THE LOCKER ROOM / MY EYES PHOTOGRAPHING
NAKED ME MEASURES IN AT FOUR & HALF INCHES
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
OF ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD

GUILT AND SHAME / JESUS' NAME / CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
EAT HIS BODY / DRINK HIS BLOOD / COMMUNION BUFFET
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
SWEET SOUR MEMORIES

AFTER CHURCH WE'RE DRIVING HOME TO RADIO CRACKLE
JAZZ MUZAK OR MOTOWN BLUES AND SKIN IS A SHACKLE
FOR ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD ...
FOR ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD ...

THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
SWEET SOUR MEMORIES
THIS IS MY HISTORY
THIS IS MY MYSTERY

MOM IS NAPPING ON THE COUCH WHILE DAD CUTS THE GRASS--I WATCH TV ALL DAY LONG: "YOUNG & THE RESTLESS"
LIKE ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD

DAD IS DRUNK AND ON THE COUCH WHILE MOM EATS A PORK CHOP
“DAILY BREAD” MILL DAILY TREADMILL WON’T EVER STOP
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD

I AM LYING ON THE COUCH, I DREAM THAT I'M FLYING
FLAPPING BOTH MY WINGS SO HARD TO KEEP ME FROM DYING WITH A CROWN OF GODFORSAKEN THORNS ON MY HEAD
LIKE ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD
AND ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD
AND ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD
AND ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD ... INSTEAD
Track Name: Saint Christopher
SAINT CHRISTOPHER IS SITTING ON MY DASHBOARD.
SAINT CHRISTOPHER, MY GUARDIAN, IS REAL.
AND WHEN MY EYES GET HEAVY ON THE HIGHWAY,
SAINT CHRISTOPHER IS THERE TO TAKE THE WHEEL.
 
I’M HITTING ALL THE POTHOLES ON THE TURNPIKE.
I’M BLOWING GASKETS EVERYWHERE I ROAM.
SAINT CHRISTOPHER IS KEEPING ME IN MOTION
WHEN ALL I WANNA DO IS FIND A HOME.
 
I’VE GOT NO DIRECTION,
BUT THE JOURNEY CARRIES ON
AND I’M SENDING UP A PRAYER FOR EVERY MILE THAT I’VE GONE.

THIS OLD TRUCK I’VE BEEN DRIVING
TAKES ME PLACES FAR AND WIDE,
BUT THE PATRON SAINT OF TRAVEL’S ONLY IN IT FOR THE RIDE.
 
SAINT CHRISTOPHER, HE PULLS ME THROUGH THE TRAFFIC.
I’D LIKE TO THINK HE PARDONS ALL MY FLAWS:
THE WOMEN AND THE WHISKEY AND WYOMING,
THE BROKEN HEARTS AND ALL THE BROKEN LAWS.
 
I’VE GOT NO DIRECTION,
BUT THE JOURNEY CARRIES ON
AND I’M SENDING UP A PRAYER FOR EVERY MILE THAT I’VE GONE.

THIS OLD TRUCK I’VE BEEN DRIVING
TAKES ME PLACES FAR AND WIDE,
BUT THE PATRON SAINT OF TRAVEL’S ONLY IN IT FOR THE RIDE.
 
SAINT CHRISTOPHER, HIS HALO IS A HUBCAP.
SAINT CHRISTOPHER, HE GUIDES ME ON MY WAY.
AND IF I EVER FIND A DESTINATION
SAINT CHRISTOPHER CAN HAVE MY CHEVROLET.

OH, IF I EVER FIND A DESTINATION…
SAINT CHRISTOPHER CAN HAVE MY CHEVROLET.
Track Name: Swim With Sharks
I LOVE YOU
BECAUSE YOU’RE REAL
BECAUSE YOU SEE THROUGH ALL THE KAKA
BECAUSE YOU NEVER MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A SECOND FIDDLE OR THIRD RATE CHEWBACCA
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW JUST HOW TO TEMPER YOUR REMARKS
YOU’RE A DOLPHIN WHEN I’M FORCED TO SWIM WITH SHARKS

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE WEIRD
BUT YOU EMBRACE YOUR EVERY LAMENESS
BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER ONCE REVERED
ANY SACRED COW OR GROUPTHINKING SAMENESS
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU STRAY AWAY FROM DISNEY THEMELAND PARKS
YOU’RE A DOLPHIN WHEN I’M FORCED TO SWIM WITH SHARKS

AND THEY SEEM SO NICE AND WELL ADJUSTED
AND THEY ARE SO NICE BUT NEVER TO BE TRUSTED
A COLD WATER HANDSHAKE
A LEAKY, LEAKY SMILE
SAYING “THAT’S AMAZING! THAT'S AMAZING!” ALL THE WHILE
MY FEAR IS MOTHER’S MILK TO THEM
IT’S BLOOD SPLASHED IN THEIR TEA
THEY SWIM IN SOCIAL CIRCLES FIRST
THEN THEIR TEETH DESCEND ON ME

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU CARE
BECAUSE YOU WON’T STAND THERE AND JUDGE ME
BECAUSE YOU LET ME OVERSHARE
AND BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER BEEN ONE TO BEGRUDGE ME
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE LIGHT WHEN I’M JUST STUMBLING IN THE DARK
YOU’RE A DOLPHIN WHEN I’M FORCED TO BE A SHARK

AND I DON’T KNOW THE NEXT TIME I’LL BE HUMAN
AND MAYBE IT’S ALL JUST A MATTER OF WHEN
BUT I CAN’T STAND THIS FORM I HAVE TAKEN
AND I LONG TO SWIM WITH DOLPHINS AGAIN
AND I LONG TO SWIM WITH DOLPHINS AGAIN
AND I LONG TO SWIM WITH DOLPHINS AGAIN
AND I LONG TO SWIM WITH DOLPHINS AGAIN
Track Name: Should There Ever Be A Next Time
BOY
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
COULD YOU PROMISE NOT TO LAUGH AT MY DICK?
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
THAT AIN'T HUMOROUS AT ALL
I KNOW MY JUNK IS KINDA SMALL
BUT I GOTTA PLAY THE HAND I WAS DEALT
SO AS AWKWARD AS IT FELT
I'M PREPARED TO MAKE YOU MELT
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME

GIRL
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
FIGHT THE URGE YOU HAVE TO BITE ON MY NIPS
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
FINGER BANGS DON'T TURN ME ON
ALSO, BABY MOW THE LAWN
BLOWING YOU GIVES ME THE WORST KINDA ITCH
I MAY COME OFF AS A BITCH
BUT YOU GOTTA FIX THE SITCH
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME

BOY
I AIN'T SHAVING SHIT FOR NO ONE!
SINCE I FIRST KNEW I COULD
I WORKED HARD TO GROW ONE
I SCRIBBLED WITH MARKER
TO MAKE MINE LOOK DARKER
DURING PUBERTY

GIRL
(spoken)
Whatever. It looks like a Chia Pet though.

SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
COULD YOU WARN ME IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
AS UNPLEASANT AS IT SOUNDS
I'LL PUMP YOU WITH 50 ROUNDS
IF YOU SAY ANOTHER NAME WHEN YOU COME
IT'S A HAMMER TO THE THUMB
SO KEEP IT TO A MINIMUM
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME

GIRL
I'M NOT ON THE RAG, YOU RETARD!
CAN YOU NOT FUCKING SEE
I GAVE YOU MY V-CARD
MY FRIENDS SAID I OUGHT TO
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU
WOULD BE SO LAME

BOY
(spoken)
That's virgin blood?

GIRL
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
COULD YOU ASK ME FOR PERMISSION TO FILM?
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
COULD YOU EDIT OUT MY FLAWS?
MAKE THE PEOPLE DROP THEIR JAWS
WHEN THEY SEE THE WAY I ROLL IN THE HAY
YOU CAN FILM US, FINE, OKAY
BUT I OUGHTA GET A SAY
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME

BOY
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SO COOL
AT SCHOOL YOU ALWAYS SEEM LIKE SUCH A STICK IN THE MUD
I DON'T DATE FRESHMEN AS A RULE
STILL YOU'LL BE SHOCKED TO KNOW YOU'RE MY FIRST DICK IN THE BLOOD

GIRL
YOU ARE THE OPPOSITE OF COOL
AT SCHOOL WE ALWAYS LAUGH AND CALL YOU ICKY MAGEE
I HATE THAT FATE WOULD BE SO CRUEL
THAT YOU'LL FOREVER BE THE FIRST TO STICK IT TO ME

BOY
THE FIRST TO STICK IT TO YE!

GIRL
THE FIRST TO STICK IT TO ME

BOY
THE FIRST TO STICK IT TO THEE!

GIRL
THE WORST IN HISTORY

BOY
I GOTTA PEE

GIRL
I'M GONNA GO

BOY
WILL YOU CALL ME?

GIRL
I DON'T KNOW IF THERE SHOULD EVER BE A NEXT TIME

BOY
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME

GIRL & BOY
SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME
I ...
I...
I...
HOPE SO ...
Track Name: Handslap
THERE’S A WEEKLY ORGY ON 7th STREET
AROUND THE BLOCK FROM NYU
I DON’T GO NOW
BUT I USED TO
SALSA AND CORN CHIPS
CONDOMS AND LUBE
SEAN CODY PORN CLIPS
PLAYING ON X-TUBE
ME IN THE CORNER
OF THIS SMALL RENTED ROOM
WHITE DROPS OF PRE-CUM
IN FRUIT OF THE LOOM
HE MUST NOT HAVE LIKED ME
I HAVE TO ASSUME
‘CAUSE I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT HAND SLAP

EVERY TIME I DROPPED IN ON 7th STREET
I’D THROW MYSELF AT ALL THE MEN
FROM TIME TO TIME
I WAS CHOSEN
FAT MEN IN SEX SWINGS
TUBE SOCKS AND GLASSES
TWINKS WEARING COCK RINGS
FUCK-HUDDLED MASSES
THREE IN THE CORNER
TEN ON THE BED
FOUR RIDING BAREBACK
ONE GIVING HEAD
A BECKONING FINGER
AND SO I WAS LED
BUT I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT HAND SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP
ACROSS THE FACE FACE FACE FACE
A MICHIGAN MAP MAP MAP MAP
LEFT IN PLACE
SO I RUN OUT OUT OUT OUT
INTO THE STREET STREET STREET
TRIPPING OVER MY HEART HEART HEART HEART HEART’S STRANGE SYNCOPATED BEAT
SYNCOPATED BEAT
SYNCOPATED BEAT
SYNCOPATED ...

I REMEMBER FEELING CONFIDENT AS I STRIPPED OUT OF MY CLOTHES
THEN I EMERGED FROM THE SHADOWS
BODIES ARE POUNDING
PEOPLE ARE SQUIRTING
MOANS ARE RESOUNDING
BUTTHOLES ARE HURTING
SOME INTO FISTING
SOME INTO PISS
ONE KEEPS INSISTING "JUST TRY OF THIS"
AND AFTER HE FUCKS ME
I GO FOR A KISS

I FORGOT WHERE I WAS
I FORGOT HOW TO BE
BECAUSE THIS AFTER ALL AN EAST VILLAGE ORGY
TWENTY BUCKS TO GET IN
BUT NO INTIMACY
JUST A WEEKEND ADVENTURE MADCAP
A PLEASURE EXPLOSION STOP GAP
A BLINK-AND-YOU-MISSED-IT HAND SLAP
Track Name: Last Few Days of August
HE HAS DECIDED
HE NO LONGER LOVES ME
HE HASN’T SAID THE WORDS
BUT I CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES
HE HAS DECIDED
THE LONGER HE HOLDS ME
THE ANGRIER I'LL BE
THE MORE TAKEN BY SURPRISE

SO I’M GONNA LAY BACK AND ENJOY
THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST
UNTIL AUTUMN’S TRAGIC FLAW JUST
TURNS THOSE LEAFY GREENS BROWN
SO I’M GONNA LAY BACK AND ENJOY
THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST
UNTIL ISAAC NEWTON’S LAW JUST
TEARS THOSE LEAFY GREENS DOWN

WE HAVE RESIDED
IN A VIRTUAL LIMBO
THE TV'S ALWAYS ON
HIS DINNER'S ALWAYS COLD
HE HAS DECIDED
TO STRAY WITH THE BIMBO
HIS CAR IS ALWAYS GONE
AND THIS GAME IS GETTING OLD

SO I’M GONNA LAY BACK AND ENJOY
THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST
UNTIL AUTUMN’S TRAGIC FLAW JUST
TURNS THESE LEAFY GREENS BROWN
SO I’M GONNA LAY BACK AND ENJOY
THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST
UNTIL ISAAC NEWTON’S LAW JUST
TEARS THESE LEAFY GREENS DOWN

IF ALL MY ILLUSIONS SHATTER
WILL I FINALLY BE STRONG?
WILL I DECIDE THAT I MATTER
OR LET MYSELF BE STRUNG ALONG?
WITH THE CHANGING OF THE SEASON
LOVE IS A STEEP DECLINE
GIVEN THAT, IT STANDS TO REASON
IF HIS HEART CAN CHANGE SO CAN MINE

I HAVE DECIDED
TO TAKE A VACATION
I WANNA SAY GOODBYE, I WANNA LEAVE A NOTE
BUT I HAVE DECIDED
AGAINST THE FRUSTRATION
I ALWAYS START TO CRY
I FEEL IT IN MY THROAT
THE MOMENT PASSES BY
AND THEN IT FEELS REMOTE

AND IN THE SKY A SETTING A SUN
THOUGH IN MY HEART I KNOW WE'RE DONE
IN MY MIND WE'RE FAST ASLEEP
BENEATH A WILLOW THAT DON'T WEEP

WHERE WE GET TO LAY BACK AND ENJOY
THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST
UNTIL AUTUMN’S TRAGIC FLAW JUST
TURNS THESE LEAFY GREENS BROWN
THERE WE GET TO LAY BACK AND ENJOY
THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST
UNTIL ISAAC NEWTON’S LAW JUST
TEARS THESE LEAFY GREENS DOWN
Track Name: Verse Chorus Song
EGG ON MY FACE
CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS
BLOWN INTO SPACE
TWIN POWDER KEGS

A LITTLE VERSE CHORUS SONG
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
BUT SOMEONE BURNED DOWN THE BRIDGE
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
BUT SOMEONE BURNED DOWN THE

BRIDGE TO OUR BED
WITH ONE LOUSY SCREW
ONE OF US CHEATED
AND IT WASN'T YOU

A LITTLE VERSE CHORUS SONG
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
BUT SOMEONE BURNED DOWN THE BRIDGE
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
A VERSE CHORUS SONG
BUT SOMEONE BURNED DOWN
SOMEONE BURNED DOWN
SOMEONE BURNED OUT
AND SOMEONE BURNED DOWN THE BRIDGE ...
Track Name: Blood & Lather
MY LOVER, BEFORE HE WAS LOVER
TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHAVE
HE OFFERED BECAUSE I’D BEEN A COWARD
TOO SCARED TO ASK MY FATHER

I WAS AFRAID OF LEARNING TO BE MANLY
MY FATHER WAS ONE OF THOSE KIND OF MEN
HE LIKED TO WATCH HIS
BLOOD AND LATHER SWIRL THE DRAIN

MY LOVER, BEFORE HE WAS MY LOVER
TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHAVE
SUPPORTIVE, HE STOOD ME IN A MIRROR
AND HANDED ME A RAZOR
EGGING ME ON,
HE ASKED ABOUT MY FATHER
I HELD THE BLADE
TOO CLOSELY TO MY CHEEK
WE WATCHED MY
BLOOD AND LATHER AND SWIRLING DOWN THE DRAIN

MY LOVER, BEFORE HE WAS MY LOVER
HE WAS MY SORT-OF-FATHER
MY SISTER-SORT-OF-BROTHER
MY MOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME
THAT I SHOULD STAY A BABY
AND NOT BECOME A MAN ...

MY LOVER, BEFORE HE WAS MY LOVER
TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHAVE
IN SILENCE, I FUMBLED WITH MY FINGERS
UNTIL HE TOOK MY HAND
KISSING MY LIPS, HE REACHED INTO MY TROUSERS
MY FATHER’S FACE WAS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN
HE LET ME SWIRL INSIDE HIS TOUCH AND DROWN MY PAIN …
HE LET ME SWIRL LIKE BLOOD AND LATHER DOWN THE DRAIN
WE WERE LIKE SWIRLS OF BLOOD AND LATHER DOWN THE DRAIN ...
Track Name: Secretly Hoping
I SEE YOU AT WORK
BY THE COPY MACHINE
LIKE COFFEE I PERK
WHEN YOU TALK TO ME
BUT I CAN’T AVOID
THE MENTAL DANGER ZONE

OF SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN
OF SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN

I ORDER THE FISH
‘CAUSE YOU SAY THAT I SHOULD
WE BOTH WENT TO TISCH
AND THOUGHT IT WAS NO GOOD
I ASK FOR MORE BREAD
THOUGH IT’S AS HARD AS STONE

AND I’M SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN
I’M SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN

AND I CAN’T STAND IT
AND I CAN’T STAND THAT I CAN’T STAND IT
I KNOW WHAT’S FAKE
I KNOW WHAT’S REAL
BUT I CAN’T SHAKE IT
SO WHAT’S MY DEAL?

I STARE AT MY FEET
AS YOU WELCOME HIM IN
AND THOUGH YOU’RE DISCREET
WALLS ARE PAPER THIN
I HEAR EV’RY SLAP
AND I HEAR EV’RY MOAN

I’M SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN
I'M SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN

I’M SECRETLY X 7
SECRETLY X 7
SECRETLY X 7
SECRETLY X 7
SECRETLY HOPING …

I SEE YOU IN CHURCH
AND YOU SEE ME AS WELL
HE LOOKS DOWN FROM HIS PERCH
AND CONDEMNS ME TO HELL
I DRINK OF HIS BLOOD
AND PRETEND TO ATONE

FOR SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN
JESUS, I’M SECRETLY HOPING THAT WE COULD BE TOGETHER
THAT YOU CLING TO SKIN LIKE A JACKET MADE OF LEATHER
THAT YOU’LL OPEN YOUR EYES AND THINK I’M A MODERN GODDESS
AS YOU CIRCLE MY CHEST AND UNDO MY LACY BODICE
I AM SECRETLY HOPING MY HOPING DOESN’T THROW YOU
SECRETLY HOPING WHEN I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU
I WOULD SAY THAT I DON’T BUT I DO KNOW WHAT I’M MISSING
‘CAUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN I SEE TWO STRANGERS KISSING
AND I KNOW THAT IT’S DUMB THAT I’VE GOT THIS SECRET ACHING
WHEN THERE’S SO MANY MEN IN THIS CITY FOR THE TAKING
BUT THE MEN THAT I WANT ARE THE ONES THAT WILL NOT CHOOSE ME
AND THE MEN THAT I GET JUST CAN’T WAIT UNTIL THEY LOSE ME

NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH

SECRETLY HOPING …
Track Name: A Happy Guy
HE'S A HAPPY GUY
WHO DOESN'T MAKE MANY MISTAKES
AND THE ONES HE MAKES
HE RECTIFIES REAL FAST
HE'S A HAPPY GUY
WHO'S LOYAL TO ALL OF HIS FRIENDS
SO IF A FRIENDSHIP ENDS
THEN IT WASN'T MEANT TO LAST

SO I'M LOOKING THROUGH ALL THESE PHOTOGRAPHS
RECALLING THE TEARS, RECALLING LAUGHS
I LOST CUSTODY OF
I COULDN'T TELL YOU WHERE IT WENT
THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD, THE TIMES WE SPENT
IN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS LOVE

BUT A HAPPY GUY
WILL NEVER STAY HAPPY FOR LONG
IF THE WIND'S TOO STRONG
OR THERE'S HIDDEN STRINGS ATTACHED
AND A HAPPY GUY
WILL LEAVE YOU STANDING IN HIS DUST
IF YOU CANNOT TRUST
OR YOUR HEART'S A DOOR THAT'S LATCHED

SO I'M LOOKING AT ALL THE THINGS I DID
REGRETTING THE LIES I POORLY HID
I PUT MYSELF ABOVE
SEEKING SOME CHILDHOOD APPLAUSE
I CLUNG LIKE A BARNACLE BEACAUSE
I THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS LOVE

HE'S A HAPPY GUY
I'M SURE WHO'S MUCH HAPPIER NOW
WHEN HE TOOK HIS BOW
I JUST STOOD THERE IN DISGRACE
WITH A HAPPY GUY
IT STINGS ME IF I REMINISCE
'CAUSE WHAT I MOSTLY MISS IS THE SMILE ON HIS FACE
Track Name: Dirty Laundry
THE MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT
LIKE A SPOTLIGHT
I WAS 16 YEARS OLD IN NEW YORK FOR THE FIRST TIME
OFF A LAYOVER FLIGHT
I WAS ON MY WAY TO ISRAEL THE VERY NEXT DAY
THERE WAS A BOY IN MY GROUP WHO I THOUGHT MIGHT BE GAY
I TRIED TO CALL HIM ON IT, HE TRIED TO STALL ME ON IT
THEN HE SAID “YEAH, OKAY”

SO MY FIRST REAL KISS WAS IN A CLOSET
AT THE HOTEL PENNSYLVANIA
AND WHILE HE SAID HE WOULD NOT BLOW ME
HE SAID HE COULD SHOW ME HOW TO USE MY TONGUE
I WAS SO YOUNG! AND DUMB! AND FULL OF YOU KNOW WHAT ...

THEN THIS MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT
LIKE A SEARCHLIGHT
I WAS 13 YEARS OLD GROWING UP IN DETROIT,
I WORE MY JEANS TOO TIGHT
I WAS AWKWARD AS HELL AND NOT SURE WHAT TO DO
ABOUT THE MESSY, SEXY FEELINGS THAT WERE BURSTING THROUGH
I TRIED TO TEAR THEM OUT
I TRIED TO WEAR THEM OUT
BUT THEY JUST GREW AND GREW

SO TO COPE I WROTE THESE AWFUL
MAYA ANGELOUISH KNOCK-OFF POEMS ("STILL I RISE ...")
AND I READ MY JACKIE COLLINS NOVELS ("HOLLYWOOD WIVES ...")
AND I JACKED OFF IN MY GRAMMA’S BED
YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I JUST SAID
AND THE BOMBS BEGAN BURSTING IN MY HEAD

THEN THIS MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT
LIKE A STOPLIGHT
I WAS 10 YEARS OLD AND A FAT LITTLE BLACK KID
WITH AN OVERBITE
I WAS HORSING AROUND WITH MY COUSIN DRE
WHO COULD GET REAL AGGRESSIVE WITH THE GAMES WE’D PLAY
I TRIED TO CALL HIM ON IT, I TRIED TO STALL HIM ON IT
BUT I LOST MY WAY

SO ON A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY
IN THE BASEMENT OF MY HOUSE
MY COUSIN KISSED ME AND HE TOUCHED ME
AND I THINK I SORT OF LIKED IT
SO I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES TO PRAY;
TO GOD PLEASE GOD DON'T MAKE ME GAY;
I PLEDGED MY HEART TO CHRIST I SWORE
I’D NEVER TOUCH HIM ANYMORE …
BUT I DID
WE COMMITTED THESE CRIMES
WE DID IT ONE MORE, TWO MORE, THREE MORE TIMES
AND JUST LIKE CLOCKWORK ON MY KNEES I PRAYED TO GOD
AND ALL HIS FUCKING LITTLE ANGELS IN THE SKY;
ANGELS STANDING BY;
THEY DO NOT REPLY
THEY SIGH
AND ROLL THEIR EYES ...

PRESENT DAY NOW
FULL BLOWN GAY NOW
HE'S IN DETROIT
I'M IN MANHATTAN
HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR YEARS
AND YET WE'RE FACEBOOK CHATTIN'
I SAY "HI"
HE SAYS "'SUP"
WE CHAT, CHAT, CHAT BUT THAT, THAT, THAT NEVER COMES UP
STILL THE MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT
YOU KNOW 'CAUSE HE DOES MANHUNT
I DO NOT ANYMORE
EVEN THOUGH SAY MANHUNTIN' MANHATTAN IS THE PROMISED LAND I REFUSE TO EXPLORE
'CAUSE THE MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT
YOU KNOW 'CAUSE WE WERE CLOSE ONCE
NOW WE'RE NOT ANYMORE
EVEN THOUGH
HE PROMISED THEN
WHEN HE WAS TWELVE
AND I WAS TEN
THAT WE WOULD ALWAYS HAVE OUR LAUNDRY BED
EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE JUST CHILDISH EXPERIMENTATIONS
GIVEN WHERE MY LOSER LOVE LIFE HAS LED
AM I WRONG TO LONG
FOR THE OLD SENSATIONS?
'CAUSE THE MEMORY COMES BACK FLASHING BACK
LIKE A BLUE (MOVE ALONG FOLKS NOTHING TO SEE; JUST A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY)
LIKE A BLUE (MOVE ALONG FOLKS NOTHING TO SEE; JUST A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY)
LIKE A BLUE (MOVE ALONG FOLKS NOTHING TO SEE; JUST A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY DIRTY LAUNDRY DIRTY)
SPOTLIGHT

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