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Dirty Laundry

by Michael R. Jackson

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1.
Memory Song 03:49
FIVE FOOT FOUR / HIGH SCHOOL GYM / SNEAKING A CUPCAKE THESE ARE MY MEMORIES THESE ARE MY MEMORIES SHOOTING HOOPS OFF THE RIM / SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THESE ARE MY MEMORIES THESE ARE MY MEMORIES AFTER GYM / THE LOCKER ROOM / MY EYES PHOTOGRAPHING NAKED ME MEASURES IN AT FOUR & HALF INCHES THESE ARE MY MEMORIES THESE ARE MY MEMORIES OF ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD GUILT AND SHAME / JESUS' NAME / CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY THESE ARE MY MEMORIES THESE ARE MY MEMORIES EAT HIS BODY / DRINK HIS BLOOD / COMMUNION BUFFET THESE ARE MY MEMORIES SWEET SOUR MEMORIES AFTER CHURCH WE'RE DRIVING HOME TO RADIO CRACKLE JAZZ MUZAK OR MOTOWN BLUES AND SKIN IS A SHACKLE FOR ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD ... FOR ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD ... THESE ARE MY MEMORIES SWEET SOUR MEMORIES THIS IS MY HISTORY THIS IS MY MYSTERY MOM IS NAPPING ON THE COUCH WHILE DAD CUTS THE GRASS--I WATCH TV ALL DAY LONG: "YOUNG & THE RESTLESS" LIKE ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD DAD IS DRUNK AND ON THE COUCH WHILE MOM EATS A PORK CHOP “DAILY BREAD” MILL DAILY TREADMILL WON’T EVER STOP ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD I AM LYING ON THE COUCH, I DREAM THAT I'M FLYING FLAPPING BOTH MY WINGS SO HARD TO KEEP ME FROM DYING WITH A CROWN OF GODFORSAKEN THORNS ON MY HEAD LIKE ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD AND ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD AND ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD AND ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD ... INSTEAD
2.
SAINT CHRISTOPHER IS SITTING ON MY DASHBOARD. SAINT CHRISTOPHER, MY GUARDIAN, IS REAL. AND WHEN MY EYES GET HEAVY ON THE HIGHWAY, SAINT CHRISTOPHER IS THERE TO TAKE THE WHEEL.   I’M HITTING ALL THE POTHOLES ON THE TURNPIKE. I’M BLOWING GASKETS EVERYWHERE I ROAM. SAINT CHRISTOPHER IS KEEPING ME IN MOTION WHEN ALL I WANNA DO IS FIND A HOME.   I’VE GOT NO DIRECTION, BUT THE JOURNEY CARRIES ON AND I’M SENDING UP A PRAYER FOR EVERY MILE THAT I’VE GONE. THIS OLD TRUCK I’VE BEEN DRIVING TAKES ME PLACES FAR AND WIDE, BUT THE PATRON SAINT OF TRAVEL’S ONLY IN IT FOR THE RIDE.   SAINT CHRISTOPHER, HE PULLS ME THROUGH THE TRAFFIC. I’D LIKE TO THINK HE PARDONS ALL MY FLAWS: THE WOMEN AND THE WHISKEY AND WYOMING, THE BROKEN HEARTS AND ALL THE BROKEN LAWS.   I’VE GOT NO DIRECTION, BUT THE JOURNEY CARRIES ON AND I’M SENDING UP A PRAYER FOR EVERY MILE THAT I’VE GONE. THIS OLD TRUCK I’VE BEEN DRIVING TAKES ME PLACES FAR AND WIDE, BUT THE PATRON SAINT OF TRAVEL’S ONLY IN IT FOR THE RIDE.   SAINT CHRISTOPHER, HIS HALO IS A HUBCAP. SAINT CHRISTOPHER, HE GUIDES ME ON MY WAY. AND IF I EVER FIND A DESTINATION SAINT CHRISTOPHER CAN HAVE MY CHEVROLET. OH, IF I EVER FIND A DESTINATION… SAINT CHRISTOPHER CAN HAVE MY CHEVROLET.
3.
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE REAL BECAUSE YOU SEE THROUGH ALL THE KAKA BECAUSE YOU NEVER MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A SECOND FIDDLE OR THIRD RATE CHEWBACCA I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW JUST HOW TO TEMPER YOUR REMARKS YOU’RE A DOLPHIN WHEN I’M FORCED TO SWIM WITH SHARKS I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE WEIRD BUT YOU EMBRACE YOUR EVERY LAMENESS BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER ONCE REVERED ANY SACRED COW OR GROUPTHINKING SAMENESS I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU STRAY AWAY FROM DISNEY THEMELAND PARKS YOU’RE A DOLPHIN WHEN I’M FORCED TO SWIM WITH SHARKS AND THEY SEEM SO NICE AND WELL ADJUSTED AND THEY ARE SO NICE BUT NEVER TO BE TRUSTED A COLD WATER HANDSHAKE A LEAKY, LEAKY SMILE SAYING “THAT’S AMAZING! THAT'S AMAZING!” ALL THE WHILE MY FEAR IS MOTHER’S MILK TO THEM IT’S BLOOD SPLASHED IN THEIR TEA THEY SWIM IN SOCIAL CIRCLES FIRST THEN THEIR TEETH DESCEND ON ME I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU CARE BECAUSE YOU WON’T STAND THERE AND JUDGE ME BECAUSE YOU LET ME OVERSHARE AND BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER BEEN ONE TO BEGRUDGE ME I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE LIGHT WHEN I’M JUST STUMBLING IN THE DARK YOU’RE A DOLPHIN WHEN I’M FORCED TO BE A SHARK AND I DON’T KNOW THE NEXT TIME I’LL BE HUMAN AND MAYBE IT’S ALL JUST A MATTER OF WHEN BUT I CAN’T STAND THIS FORM I HAVE TAKEN AND I LONG TO SWIM WITH DOLPHINS AGAIN AND I LONG TO SWIM WITH DOLPHINS AGAIN AND I LONG TO SWIM WITH DOLPHINS AGAIN AND I LONG TO SWIM WITH DOLPHINS AGAIN
4.
BOY SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME COULD YOU PROMISE NOT TO LAUGH AT MY DICK? SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME THAT AIN'T HUMOROUS AT ALL I KNOW MY JUNK IS KINDA SMALL BUT I GOTTA PLAY THE HAND I WAS DEALT SO AS AWKWARD AS IT FELT I'M PREPARED TO MAKE YOU MELT SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME GIRL SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME FIGHT THE URGE YOU HAVE TO BITE ON MY NIPS SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME FINGER BANGS DON'T TURN ME ON ALSO, BABY MOW THE LAWN BLOWING YOU GIVES ME THE WORST KINDA ITCH I MAY COME OFF AS A BITCH BUT YOU GOTTA FIX THE SITCH SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME BOY I AIN'T SHAVING SHIT FOR NO ONE! SINCE I FIRST KNEW I COULD I WORKED HARD TO GROW ONE I SCRIBBLED WITH MARKER TO MAKE MINE LOOK DARKER DURING PUBERTY GIRL (spoken) Whatever. It looks like a Chia Pet though. SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME COULD YOU WARN ME IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME AS UNPLEASANT AS IT SOUNDS I'LL PUMP YOU WITH 50 ROUNDS IF YOU SAY ANOTHER NAME WHEN YOU COME IT'S A HAMMER TO THE THUMB SO KEEP IT TO A MINIMUM SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME GIRL I'M NOT ON THE RAG, YOU RETARD! CAN YOU NOT FUCKING SEE I GAVE YOU MY V-CARD MY FRIENDS SAID I OUGHT TO BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE SO LAME BOY (spoken) That's virgin blood? GIRL SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME COULD YOU ASK ME FOR PERMISSION TO FILM? SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME COULD YOU EDIT OUT MY FLAWS? MAKE THE PEOPLE DROP THEIR JAWS WHEN THEY SEE THE WAY I ROLL IN THE HAY YOU CAN FILM US, FINE, OKAY BUT I OUGHTA GET A SAY SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME BOY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SO COOL AT SCHOOL YOU ALWAYS SEEM LIKE SUCH A STICK IN THE MUD I DON'T DATE FRESHMEN AS A RULE STILL YOU'LL BE SHOCKED TO KNOW YOU'RE MY FIRST DICK IN THE BLOOD GIRL YOU ARE THE OPPOSITE OF COOL AT SCHOOL WE ALWAYS LAUGH AND CALL YOU ICKY MAGEE I HATE THAT FATE WOULD BE SO CRUEL THAT YOU'LL FOREVER BE THE FIRST TO STICK IT TO ME BOY THE FIRST TO STICK IT TO YE! GIRL THE FIRST TO STICK IT TO ME BOY THE FIRST TO STICK IT TO THEE! GIRL THE WORST IN HISTORY BOY I GOTTA PEE GIRL I'M GONNA GO BOY WILL YOU CALL ME? GIRL I DON'T KNOW IF THERE SHOULD EVER BE A NEXT TIME BOY SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME GIRL & BOY SHOULD THERE EVER BE A NEXT TIME I ... I... I... HOPE SO ...
5.
Handslap 04:49
THERE’S A WEEKLY ORGY ON 7th STREET AROUND THE BLOCK FROM NYU I DON’T GO NOW BUT I USED TO SALSA AND CORN CHIPS CONDOMS AND LUBE SEAN CODY PORN CLIPS PLAYING ON X-TUBE ME IN THE CORNER OF THIS SMALL RENTED ROOM WHITE DROPS OF PRE-CUM IN FRUIT OF THE LOOM HE MUST NOT HAVE LIKED ME I HAVE TO ASSUME ‘CAUSE I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT HAND SLAP EVERY TIME I DROPPED IN ON 7th STREET I’D THROW MYSELF AT ALL THE MEN FROM TIME TO TIME I WAS CHOSEN FAT MEN IN SEX SWINGS TUBE SOCKS AND GLASSES TWINKS WEARING COCK RINGS FUCK-HUDDLED MASSES THREE IN THE CORNER TEN ON THE BED FOUR RIDING BAREBACK ONE GIVING HEAD A BECKONING FINGER AND SO I WAS LED BUT I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT HAND SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP ACROSS THE FACE FACE FACE FACE A MICHIGAN MAP MAP MAP MAP LEFT IN PLACE SO I RUN OUT OUT OUT OUT INTO THE STREET STREET STREET TRIPPING OVER MY HEART HEART HEART HEART HEART’S STRANGE SYNCOPATED BEAT SYNCOPATED BEAT SYNCOPATED BEAT SYNCOPATED ... I REMEMBER FEELING CONFIDENT AS I STRIPPED OUT OF MY CLOTHES THEN I EMERGED FROM THE SHADOWS BODIES ARE POUNDING PEOPLE ARE SQUIRTING MOANS ARE RESOUNDING BUTTHOLES ARE HURTING SOME INTO FISTING SOME INTO PISS ONE KEEPS INSISTING "JUST TRY OF THIS" AND AFTER HE FUCKS ME I GO FOR A KISS I FORGOT WHERE I WAS I FORGOT HOW TO BE BECAUSE THIS AFTER ALL AN EAST VILLAGE ORGY TWENTY BUCKS TO GET IN BUT NO INTIMACY JUST A WEEKEND ADVENTURE MADCAP A PLEASURE EXPLOSION STOP GAP A BLINK-AND-YOU-MISSED-IT HAND SLAP
6.
HE HAS DECIDED HE NO LONGER LOVES ME HE HASN’T SAID THE WORDS BUT I CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES HE HAS DECIDED THE LONGER HE HOLDS ME THE ANGRIER I'LL BE THE MORE TAKEN BY SURPRISE SO I’M GONNA LAY BACK AND ENJOY THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST UNTIL AUTUMN’S TRAGIC FLAW JUST TURNS THOSE LEAFY GREENS BROWN SO I’M GONNA LAY BACK AND ENJOY THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST UNTIL ISAAC NEWTON’S LAW JUST TEARS THOSE LEAFY GREENS DOWN WE HAVE RESIDED IN A VIRTUAL LIMBO THE TV'S ALWAYS ON HIS DINNER'S ALWAYS COLD HE HAS DECIDED TO STRAY WITH THE BIMBO HIS CAR IS ALWAYS GONE AND THIS GAME IS GETTING OLD SO I’M GONNA LAY BACK AND ENJOY THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST UNTIL AUTUMN’S TRAGIC FLAW JUST TURNS THESE LEAFY GREENS BROWN SO I’M GONNA LAY BACK AND ENJOY THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST UNTIL ISAAC NEWTON’S LAW JUST TEARS THESE LEAFY GREENS DOWN IF ALL MY ILLUSIONS SHATTER WILL I FINALLY BE STRONG? WILL I DECIDE THAT I MATTER OR LET MYSELF BE STRUNG ALONG? WITH THE CHANGING OF THE SEASON LOVE IS A STEEP DECLINE GIVEN THAT, IT STANDS TO REASON IF HIS HEART CAN CHANGE SO CAN MINE I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE A VACATION I WANNA SAY GOODBYE, I WANNA LEAVE A NOTE BUT I HAVE DECIDED AGAINST THE FRUSTRATION I ALWAYS START TO CRY I FEEL IT IN MY THROAT THE MOMENT PASSES BY AND THEN IT FEELS REMOTE AND IN THE SKY A SETTING A SUN THOUGH IN MY HEART I KNOW WE'RE DONE IN MY MIND WE'RE FAST ASLEEP BENEATH A WILLOW THAT DON'T WEEP WHERE WE GET TO LAY BACK AND ENJOY THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST UNTIL AUTUMN’S TRAGIC FLAW JUST TURNS THESE LEAFY GREENS BROWN THERE WE GET TO LAY BACK AND ENJOY THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF AUGUST UNTIL ISAAC NEWTON’S LAW JUST TEARS THESE LEAFY GREENS DOWN
7.
EGG ON MY FACE CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS BLOWN INTO SPACE TWIN POWDER KEGS A LITTLE VERSE CHORUS SONG A VERSE CHORUS SONG A VERSE CHORUS SONG BUT SOMEONE BURNED DOWN THE BRIDGE A VERSE CHORUS SONG A VERSE CHORUS SONG A VERSE CHORUS SONG BUT SOMEONE BURNED DOWN THE BRIDGE TO OUR BED WITH ONE LOUSY SCREW ONE OF US CHEATED AND IT WASN'T YOU A LITTLE VERSE CHORUS SONG A VERSE CHORUS SONG A VERSE CHORUS SONG BUT SOMEONE BURNED DOWN THE BRIDGE A VERSE CHORUS SONG A VERSE CHORUS SONG A VERSE CHORUS SONG BUT SOMEONE BURNED DOWN SOMEONE BURNED DOWN SOMEONE BURNED OUT AND SOMEONE BURNED DOWN THE BRIDGE ...
8.
MY LOVER, BEFORE HE WAS LOVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHAVE HE OFFERED BECAUSE I’D BEEN A COWARD TOO SCARED TO ASK MY FATHER I WAS AFRAID OF LEARNING TO BE MANLY MY FATHER WAS ONE OF THOSE KIND OF MEN HE LIKED TO WATCH HIS BLOOD AND LATHER SWIRL THE DRAIN MY LOVER, BEFORE HE WAS MY LOVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHAVE SUPPORTIVE, HE STOOD ME IN A MIRROR AND HANDED ME A RAZOR EGGING ME ON, HE ASKED ABOUT MY FATHER I HELD THE BLADE TOO CLOSELY TO MY CHEEK WE WATCHED MY BLOOD AND LATHER AND SWIRLING DOWN THE DRAIN MY LOVER, BEFORE HE WAS MY LOVER HE WAS MY SORT-OF-FATHER MY SISTER-SORT-OF-BROTHER MY MOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD STAY A BABY AND NOT BECOME A MAN ... MY LOVER, BEFORE HE WAS MY LOVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHAVE IN SILENCE, I FUMBLED WITH MY FINGERS UNTIL HE TOOK MY HAND KISSING MY LIPS, HE REACHED INTO MY TROUSERS MY FATHER’S FACE WAS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN HE LET ME SWIRL INSIDE HIS TOUCH AND DROWN MY PAIN … HE LET ME SWIRL LIKE BLOOD AND LATHER DOWN THE DRAIN WE WERE LIKE SWIRLS OF BLOOD AND LATHER DOWN THE DRAIN ...
9.
I SEE YOU AT WORK BY THE COPY MACHINE LIKE COFFEE I PERK WHEN YOU TALK TO ME BUT I CAN’T AVOID THE MENTAL DANGER ZONE OF SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN OF SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN I ORDER THE FISH ‘CAUSE YOU SAY THAT I SHOULD WE BOTH WENT TO TISCH AND THOUGHT IT WAS NO GOOD I ASK FOR MORE BREAD THOUGH IT’S AS HARD AS STONE AND I’M SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN I’M SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN AND I CAN’T STAND IT AND I CAN’T STAND THAT I CAN’T STAND IT I KNOW WHAT’S FAKE I KNOW WHAT’S REAL BUT I CAN’T SHAKE IT SO WHAT’S MY DEAL? I STARE AT MY FEET AS YOU WELCOME HIM IN AND THOUGH YOU’RE DISCREET WALLS ARE PAPER THIN I HEAR EV’RY SLAP AND I HEAR EV’RY MOAN I’M SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN I'M SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN I’M SECRETLY X 7 SECRETLY X 7 SECRETLY X 7 SECRETLY X 7 SECRETLY HOPING … I SEE YOU IN CHURCH AND YOU SEE ME AS WELL HE LOOKS DOWN FROM HIS PERCH AND CONDEMNS ME TO HELL I DRINK OF HIS BLOOD AND PRETEND TO ATONE FOR SECRETLY HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’VE GOT ONE OF YOUR OWN JESUS, I’M SECRETLY HOPING THAT WE COULD BE TOGETHER THAT YOU CLING TO SKIN LIKE A JACKET MADE OF LEATHER THAT YOU’LL OPEN YOUR EYES AND THINK I’M A MODERN GODDESS AS YOU CIRCLE MY CHEST AND UNDO MY LACY BODICE I AM SECRETLY HOPING MY HOPING DOESN’T THROW YOU SECRETLY HOPING WHEN I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU I WOULD SAY THAT I DON’T BUT I DO KNOW WHAT I’M MISSING ‘CAUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN I SEE TWO STRANGERS KISSING AND I KNOW THAT IT’S DUMB THAT I’VE GOT THIS SECRET ACHING WHEN THERE’S SO MANY MEN IN THIS CITY FOR THE TAKING BUT THE MEN THAT I WANT ARE THE ONES THAT WILL NOT CHOOSE ME AND THE MEN THAT I GET JUST CAN’T WAIT UNTIL THEY LOSE ME NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH SECRETLY HOPING …
10.
A Happy Guy 03:20
HE'S A HAPPY GUY WHO DOESN'T MAKE MANY MISTAKES AND THE ONES HE MAKES HE RECTIFIES REAL FAST HE'S A HAPPY GUY WHO'S LOYAL TO ALL OF HIS FRIENDS SO IF A FRIENDSHIP ENDS THEN IT WASN'T MEANT TO LAST SO I'M LOOKING THROUGH ALL THESE PHOTOGRAPHS RECALLING THE TEARS, RECALLING LAUGHS I LOST CUSTODY OF I COULDN'T TELL YOU WHERE IT WENT THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD, THE TIMES WE SPENT IN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS LOVE BUT A HAPPY GUY WILL NEVER STAY HAPPY FOR LONG IF THE WIND'S TOO STRONG OR THERE'S HIDDEN STRINGS ATTACHED AND A HAPPY GUY WILL LEAVE YOU STANDING IN HIS DUST IF YOU CANNOT TRUST OR YOUR HEART'S A DOOR THAT'S LATCHED SO I'M LOOKING AT ALL THE THINGS I DID REGRETTING THE LIES I POORLY HID I PUT MYSELF ABOVE SEEKING SOME CHILDHOOD APPLAUSE I CLUNG LIKE A BARNACLE BEACAUSE I THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS LOVE HE'S A HAPPY GUY I'M SURE WHO'S MUCH HAPPIER NOW WHEN HE TOOK HIS BOW I JUST STOOD THERE IN DISGRACE WITH A HAPPY GUY IT STINGS ME IF I REMINISCE 'CAUSE WHAT I MOSTLY MISS IS THE SMILE ON HIS FACE
11.
THE MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT LIKE A SPOTLIGHT I WAS 16 YEARS OLD IN NEW YORK FOR THE FIRST TIME OFF A LAYOVER FLIGHT I WAS ON MY WAY TO ISRAEL THE VERY NEXT DAY THERE WAS A BOY IN MY GROUP WHO I THOUGHT MIGHT BE GAY I TRIED TO CALL HIM ON IT, HE TRIED TO STALL ME ON IT THEN HE SAID “YEAH, OKAY” SO MY FIRST REAL KISS WAS IN A CLOSET AT THE HOTEL PENNSYLVANIA AND WHILE HE SAID HE WOULD NOT BLOW ME HE SAID HE COULD SHOW ME HOW TO USE MY TONGUE I WAS SO YOUNG! AND DUMB! AND FULL OF YOU KNOW WHAT ... THEN THIS MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT LIKE A SEARCHLIGHT I WAS 13 YEARS OLD GROWING UP IN DETROIT, I WORE MY JEANS TOO TIGHT I WAS AWKWARD AS HELL AND NOT SURE WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE MESSY, SEXY FEELINGS THAT WERE BURSTING THROUGH I TRIED TO TEAR THEM OUT I TRIED TO WEAR THEM OUT BUT THEY JUST GREW AND GREW SO TO COPE I WROTE THESE AWFUL MAYA ANGELOUISH KNOCK-OFF POEMS ("STILL I RISE ...") AND I READ MY JACKIE COLLINS NOVELS ("HOLLYWOOD WIVES ...") AND I JACKED OFF IN MY GRAMMA’S BED YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I JUST SAID AND THE BOMBS BEGAN BURSTING IN MY HEAD THEN THIS MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT LIKE A STOPLIGHT I WAS 10 YEARS OLD AND A FAT LITTLE BLACK KID WITH AN OVERBITE I WAS HORSING AROUND WITH MY COUSIN DRE WHO COULD GET REAL AGGRESSIVE WITH THE GAMES WE’D PLAY I TRIED TO CALL HIM ON IT, I TRIED TO STALL HIM ON IT BUT I LOST MY WAY SO ON A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY IN THE BASEMENT OF MY HOUSE MY COUSIN KISSED ME AND HE TOUCHED ME AND I THINK I SORT OF LIKED IT SO I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES TO PRAY; TO GOD PLEASE GOD DON'T MAKE ME GAY; I PLEDGED MY HEART TO CHRIST I SWORE I’D NEVER TOUCH HIM ANYMORE … BUT I DID WE COMMITTED THESE CRIMES WE DID IT ONE MORE, TWO MORE, THREE MORE TIMES AND JUST LIKE CLOCKWORK ON MY KNEES I PRAYED TO GOD AND ALL HIS FUCKING LITTLE ANGELS IN THE SKY; ANGELS STANDING BY; THEY DO NOT REPLY THEY SIGH AND ROLL THEIR EYES ... PRESENT DAY NOW FULL BLOWN GAY NOW HE'S IN DETROIT I'M IN MANHATTAN HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR YEARS AND YET WE'RE FACEBOOK CHATTIN' I SAY "HI" HE SAYS "'SUP" WE CHAT, CHAT, CHAT BUT THAT, THAT, THAT NEVER COMES UP STILL THE MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT YOU KNOW 'CAUSE HE DOES MANHUNT I DO NOT ANYMORE EVEN THOUGH SAY MANHUNTIN' MANHATTAN IS THE PROMISED LAND I REFUSE TO EXPLORE 'CAUSE THE MEMORY COMES FLASHING BACK TONIGHT YOU KNOW 'CAUSE WE WERE CLOSE ONCE NOW WE'RE NOT ANYMORE EVEN THOUGH HE PROMISED THEN WHEN HE WAS TWELVE AND I WAS TEN THAT WE WOULD ALWAYS HAVE OUR LAUNDRY BED EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE JUST CHILDISH EXPERIMENTATIONS GIVEN WHERE MY LOSER LOVE LIFE HAS LED AM I WRONG TO LONG FOR THE OLD SENSATIONS? 'CAUSE THE MEMORY COMES BACK FLASHING BACK LIKE A BLUE (MOVE ALONG FOLKS NOTHING TO SEE; JUST A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY) LIKE A BLUE (MOVE ALONG FOLKS NOTHING TO SEE; JUST A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY) LIKE A BLUE (MOVE ALONG FOLKS NOTHING TO SEE; JUST A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY DIRTY LAUNDRY DIRTY) SPOTLIGHT

credits

released May 31, 2018

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Michael R. Jackson New York, New York

Michael R. Jackson (aka The Living MJ). Musical theater composer. Lyricist. Book writer. Trash talker. Honesty is my brand. Check me out at www.youtube.com/michaelrj1981, www.thelivingmichaeljackson.com, and www.facebook.com/thelivingmichaeljackson

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